My Jesus Story
By Tricia Chavez
I used to have anger management issues. People know. My children would stop laughing when I come in thinking they did something wrong and I’m about to let go of an outrage. People around me fear for the lives of people I talk to or deal with, praying they don’t make any mistake. My parents were not spared. Because I was in charge of so many things (or at least I thought I was in charge), serving my parents was the most stressful for me and I let it show. All our encounters ended with a bad feeling.
Growing up in service and formation led me to question myself. Sino ba ko talaga? Ano ba ko talaga? I found myself proving who I am left and right. I always feel I have to explain myself. Frustration and anger kick in when people think differently or when they don’t get me. This includes the simplest and most daily conversations I have. Obviously, this is what’s behind my temper.
I couldn’t remember any particular “Jesus moment” but what I know is I’ve been looking for Him for the longest time, forever I guess. My early exposure to service and formation sort of instilled in me that only God can give me happiness. As to how, I didn’t know. Not knowing how even placed this knowledge into the impossible zone and made me feel it all depends on me.
When I joined a community, service comforted me. I felt accepted and loved the way I am. I knew I was on my way to knowing “how”, but I don’t know, I knew something else was missing. Things were quite the same in all other areas of my life until a crisis happened in my community which led me to the Feast.
Every Feast is a Jesus moment for me.
Fast forward to today. I say I love you to my parents openly without puking and believe me I mean it! I started to have so much happiness serving them and being with them. My eyes now see what a person could probably be going through or went through when they err, including my children. I’m now interested on hearing other people’s points believing God speaks through them.
How did this happen? I don’t know! My question of “How God will give me happiness?” is now “How I will claim God’s happiness for me which He has been handing to me every moment of my life?” As His word says, “My plans for you is to prosper you and never to harm you.” So, I’m expecting His grace anywhere, anytime and through anyone. How can I now give room for grumpiness?
Thank you Lord for making my heart understand when my mind can’t. And thank you for charging me every time at the Feast, so I remember, always. Amen.